|
 |
Encourage One
Another
1 Thessalonians 5:
11
This past week I
was flipping through the channels on TV and caught a little of the movie
As Good As It Gets. I haven’t seen the whole movie but I believe it is
pretty consistent with every other Jack Nicholson movie I have ever
seen. Jack Nicholson plays a character who is, to put it bluntly, nutty
as a fruitcake. He's mean, angry, obnoxious, calloused and did I say he
was nutty as a fruitcake? Pretty standard for Jack Nicholson.
The movie co-stars Helen Hunt, who plays the ever patient waitress who
rescues him from his obsessive/compulsive behavior. She's sweet, strong,
winsome, and funny.
In one scene, the two of them are having dinner in a nice restaurant. He
has been mean, and insulting during the whole meal and she has endured
about all she can take. Finally, she insists that if he wants her to
stay and finish the meal, he must compliment her in a meaningful way.
Nicholson sits there for what seems like forever trying to come up with
something. Finally, just as she's about to storm out of the restaurant,
he says, "You make me want to be a better man."
She melts. She says, "That's maybe the nicest compliment anyone has ever
paid me."
I'm pretty sure the screenwriters didn't mean to do it, but in that one
line, they gave us the best definition I've ever seen for our topic
today.
To find our topic let’s start by reading a few passages together.
1 Thessalonians 5: 11 Therefore encourage one another and build one
another up, just as you are doing.
Hebrews 3: 13 But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called
“today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
One more, Hebrews 10:25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit
of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the
Day drawing near.
What does it mean to encourage one another?
It means to do and say things that make us all want to be better people.
Last week we ended our time together with this thought. Every time you
walk into a room your attitude says one of two things. "Here I am!" or
"There you are." I hope this past week that people heard you saying,
"There you are," as you greeted them in love.
Today I wanted to start with that very same though. Every encounter you
have with people either builds them up or tears them down. You either
inspire them to be better, or you provoke them to give up trying. You
lift them, or you lower them. Their encounter with you leaves them
blessed or burdened. So how can we who are the children of God learn to
be be people-builders instead of people-wreckers?
Today, we're going to talk about how to encourage one another, but first
I think that we should start with a prayer.
It's pretty hard to overstate how important it is to be an encourager.
The Greek word for encouragement is found 109 times in the New
Testament. All through the Bible, the role of the encourager is
celebrated.
This week I learned some things about encouragement. In Romans 12:8,
encouragement is listed as one of the gifts of the Spirit, did you know
that on two occasions the Apostle Paul sent a man named Tychicus to
different churches for the soul purpose of encouraging them.
In Colossians 4:8 says I have sent him to you for this very purpose,
that you may know how we are and that he may encourage your hearts,
In Ephesians 6:22 says I have sent him to you for this very purpose,
that you may know how we are, and that he may encourage your hearts.
Tychicus must have had the gift of encouragement. Paul sent Timothy to
Thessalonica for the purpose of encouraging the Christians there.
Hebrews 3: 13, the passage we noticed just a moment ago, says that one
of the ways we avoid being hardened by sin is through the encouragement
of others.
Encouragement inspires us to be better people. It softens our hearts. It
lifts our spirits. It draws us closer to God. So how can we fulfill this
important command?
I'm putting the one that's hardest for me first. Listen to Ephesians 4:2
with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one
another in love,
Be easy to please.
We tend to be tough on others and easy on ourselves. Few things are more
discouraging to people that living with someone who can't be pleased.
A speaker at a marriage seminar told this story on himself. He and the
family were gathered in the den to watch a football game. His wife asked
the kids, "Does anyone want a snack?" She took their orders and went to
the kitchen to prepare them. The thing that bugged the husband was that
she hadn't taken his order. In a few minutes she came back with
sandwiches and drinks for the kids and one for herself.
The more he thought about it the more annoyed he became. So finally he
turned to her and asked, "Why didn't you even offer to prepare a snack
for me?"
She said, "Because I didn't feel like being criticized."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
She said, "Every time I make a sandwich for you something isn't right.
The bread is stale, the lettuce isn't crisp, there's too much of this or
too little of that. I just didn't feel like being criticized tonight."
Here was a guy who was in search of the perfect sandwich, and there is
nothing wrong with that. The problem came that in the process of that
search he had alienated his wife. Every encounter she had with him tore
her down instead of building her up. He didn't lift her, he lowered her.
Now I'll be honest with you here. Most of you only see me at my best. On
Sundays I'm doing the right things, saying the right words, I'm being
kind to older ladies, tender with little children, and generally just a
very patient, loving guy unless your phone goes off in the middle of my
sermon.
But my close friends and my family know how I really am. I am not always
humble and gentle. I'm not always patient. I tend to walk around with a
hand full of tools.
A tape measure to make sure everyone measures up.
I sometimes use the hammer of criticism to pound you into shape.
The sand paper of negative words to smooth out what I consider to be the
rough edges.
The level of unrealistic expectations.
Too much of that and people don't feel very lifted. They don't feel very
blessed. They don't feel encouraged. So I'm going to work on being
easier to live with. And I believe that some of you need to do the same.
Do people, small children and animals tend to avoid you?
It’s because we don't like spending time with people who are hard to
please. It doesn't make us want to be better people. It makes us want to
find someone else to spend time with. SO the first thing we have got to
learn to be an encourager is be easy to please.
The second is like unto the first. Don't constantly criticize.
Once, when Pepper Rodgers was coaching UCLA, they were having a dismal
season. He was being savaged by the news papers. The boosters were
trying to run him off. Moving signs were posted in his front yard. He
went home one night and told his wife, "When life gets tough, it's good
to know you've got a wife and a dog that won't turn their backs on you."
The next day his wife bought him a new dog.
You know in reality we are not the brightest people. You would think
after you criticize someone the third time for the same thing, it would
be pretty clear that they aren't going to respond to that approach. But
we keep on doing what we've always done, and in the process both you and
they wind up frustrated.
Why don’t we try a different approach? Rather than trying to discourage
negative behavior why don’t we try encouraging positive behavior? People
blossom under affirmation. They wilt under discouragement.
Listen to what Paul writes in Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come
out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits
the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
I know that when someone disappoints me or makes me angry, the first
thing I want to do is to criticize their behavior. We all want to react
to their words or actions in an emotional way. We want to show them
where they were wrong. To point out how they aren't measuring up.
Have you ever stopped to think how effective that approach really is?
Usually, not very. But we do it anyway. We criticize. Then, when they
don't respond, we criticize some more. We say to ourselves, "You’re not
as smart as I gave you credit for. I just criticized you, and you didn’t
even have enough brains to respond. So I guess I'll have to do it again,
louder this time, with more intensity and more emotionally loaded
words."
It's like trying to fix a dent in a fender by hitting it with a hammer.
The dent just keeps getting deeper, but we feel better.
There is a place for criticism. But nine times out of ten, people know
they were wrong. So instead of pointing out the obvious, instead of
hammering away at what's already dented, why not try building them up.
Once while I was at Faulkner I was feeling pretty invincible and I had
been up to some sort of mischief. It wasn’t that bad because I don't
even remember what it was now. Wendell Winkler was the chair of the
Bible department and you knew pretty soon after you stepped foot on the
campus where Brother Winkler though the Bible majors were supposed to
stand. He was pretty much revered and feared by everyone of us. He just
had this presence, you know like when Moses came off the Mountain.
A little bird told him what I was up to and he asked me to stay after
class for a few minutes one day. He put his arm around me, and I felt
very far away. I just knew that he was going to open his mouth and out
would come lightening bolts from heaven.
Instead, he said, "Jeremy, I've been hearing some things about you. I
find them hard to believe. That's just not who you are. You can do
better, and I expect you to." And I did.
Last week, I told you about a greeting I received in 1991. Today, I'm
telling you about a word of encouragement I received in ‘93. Words,
offered in love, inspired by the Spirit, aimed at the heart make a
lasting impact.
Now, I want you to do something to put this into practice. We're working
on becoming a warmer, friendlier church. Let's also work on becoming a
more encouraging church.
Today I want you to spend a few minutes thinking about someone who needs
your encouragement. Someone whom you can inspire to be a better person.
I want you to write them a note. You can hand deliver it today, or take
it home and mail it. I have put a few suggestions in your sermon notes
so that you will have to find another excuse beside you forgot what you
were supposed to write.
Tell others that you appreciate their hard work
Thank them for their service
¬Encourage them in their struggle
¬Remember how they blessed you once
¬Tell them of your prayers for them
¬Identify something positive about them
¬Name their admirable qualities
If we will all do that today I know that hundreds of people will be
blessed because you took the time to encourage them. Now let me give you
one more way to encourage people.
Encourage by your example.
Words are indispensable and they are powerful. But a living, breathing
example of encouragement is hard to ignore. Paul told the Corinthians to
follow his example as he followed Christ. Behavior is contagious.
You either spread the spiritual virus of discouragement or you share the
spiritual fragrance of encouragement.
You either make people spiritually sick, or you bless them. I know you
cherish your relationships -- your friends, your family.
But honestly how you are affecting them? Do you make them want to be
better people? Or do they care less about God when they are with you?
No one ever goes to their eternal destiny alone. You always take someone
with you. You'll either take them to heaven or you'll take them to hell.
The next time you are with the people you love I want you to remember
that. Where are you taking them?
There's a flip side to this. Turn it around. Do the people you associate
with make you want to be a better person? Do they encourage you? Or do
they discourage your walk with Christ?
I'm asking you to take an honest look at your relationships. If the
people you count as friends make you want to be more like Jesus, by all
means, nurture those friendships.
But if the people you call friends constantly put you into compromising
situations -- if they are source of temptation -- if they contradict
your faith -- if they weaken your resolve -- then you need some new
friends.
We are called to be encouragers but we are also called to surround
ourselves with encouraging people. One of the things you may need to do
in response to this message is jettison some friendships. You may
actually need to say to someone today, "Look, I really like you. I love
you. But you aren't good for me. You are wrecking my faith. And I
literally can't live with that. I'm sorry. But until you change, we
can't be friends any more."
|
